Yes yes...I'm back after a brief sabbatical. I can envision the joyous smiles, the horrendous scowls, the disapproving frowns as well as the sheer nervousness, emulating from the aura of my blog readers. Some have even expressed that reading my blog is like enjoying some of the guilty pleasures of life, such as an all you can eat buffet for a fat guy, a midget successfully reaching for the cookie jar on the top shelf, a diabetic sticking his face under a chocolate fountain, a southeast asian guy buy a pack of extra large condoms...all guilty pleasures or moronic gestures. Same same but different. Anyways, today I'd like to give my readers an insight into NYE Dhaka city style. The significant taboo that rocks the foundation of the Islamic Fundamentalist political party of Bangladesh to the core.
You may think the countdown begins on the 31st of December a minute before midnight, but you'd be totally wrong to think that. For the Dhakalites (Dhaka-Socialites) it actually begins on the 15th of December each year. The process requires careful planning, sufficient funds all co-ordinated by a self appointed Master of Ceremonies i.e the funloving event planner. In Dhaka its not as simple as getting dressed and heading out for a couple of drinks with a few friends or family members. Here, pre-parties, transportation, accommodation, alcohol consumption, alcohol availability, outfits, themes, fund collection, difference of opinions, crazy ideas, status implications, post-parties...every single factor has to be accounted for and taking into fucking consideration before planning an event. Once you have all those matters confirmed and resolved you can step back and relax and bring in the new year with a smile.
On the night of the event, I have observed that agendas are crucial. Every individual has a bloody agenda. There are approximately 4 different categories of people who attend a NYE's bash with a purpose.
1. The Individuals who are a Couple: These are those people who are walking hand in hand, have a room together, happy and blissful with each others company, ecstatic abt bringing in the New Year with someone they love, who are also a part of a group, whom they love too. Their soul purpose is just to have fun with each other and everyone else in the group
2. The Individuals who act as though they are part of a Couple: These are those people who put on a facade for a number of reasons; firstly to get the couple discount on the NYE's tickets as well as for the cost of the room; secondly to make sure that someone they are interested in believes that that individual is "taken" and shall instantaneously become more alluring and irresistible; thirdly they absolutely hate each others gutts and wish society would accept them for being swingers; fourthly they haven't gotten laid in months and are going through a dry spell and want to get trashed, sleep with a "3 Shot" person, blame it on NYE, resulting in a spat and a feud ending in a split, concluding in NYE being a scapegoat (by 3 Shot person, I am referring to Vomitface looking like Courtney Cox/Ryan Gosling after 3 shots)
3. The Individuals on the Hunt: These are the players, members of the Band of Brothers, those that house their brains in their boxers. On the other hand, I have also seen the opposite sex as hunters too. Those that flutter their eyes, pose with their hands on the hips, tilt to one side, pout like a fish and heave their chests all the time, mimicking orgasm in a not too subtle way. These individuals are at NYE bashes purely for a purpose, a function, an agenda. TO GET LAID and to wake up in the morning in someones arms, with either a smile or regret on their face. But, but, but (and I'm talking Jamaican booty...huge) as long as they got the job done...they can begin the year in peace.
4. The Individuals on Google: These are the individuals who have managed to skive an invite, the loners with no friends, the sad sole drinkers who attend NYE events purely to ooggle women (I admit this with a saddened heart that 99% of Googlers are men). These are the bums who stand on the corner of the dance floor, slowly grooving away with two left feet, trying to be all cool, staring, gawking and salivating over the bevy of gorgeous beauties on the floor. The track "Blood on the Dancefloor" by Sophie E is dedicated to these people, coz usually the boyfriends/husbands smack the shit out of these individuals when they find them ooggling their beauties.
So thats my summary of observations for NYE. Although before I leave I would also like to point out the fact that as far as attire is concerned, MEN, rarely get it wrong. Very few are a miss, since NYE's outfits are straight forward for guys...but WOMEN on the other hand, boy can some of them get the most warped delusional ideas ever...and when they MISS...they FUCKING MISS!!! For me, 2011 NYE was full of mutton dressed as lamb, women dressed as Pretty Women, a plastic surgeons nightmare, a liposuction commercial, a concoction of spillage & fat in size 0 dresses.
NYE Dhaka Style...all in all a farce but an immense pleasure to be a part of...or else...I would not have enjoyed writing this article as much as you all enjoyed reading...
