Whats the first thing that comes into your head when you hear the term Faking It. If I were to play word association then by default Faking It = Orgasm. But Faking It takes on a whole new definition when it comes to Bengali's. Everything in this dump of a country is Fake. There is nothing Natural about it. In my opinion, the only things that are Natural are womens breasts and mens moobs (man boobs)...specifically because breast enhancements are expensive and more importantly because women and men don't really care if they are swinging low like pendulums. Anyways, I am a dedicated example of the finding, that a man thinks abt sex every minute, hence the digression.
Anyhow, so what other fake things are going on in this city, that's curling up my pubes and twisting them into a frenzy?? The competition amongst women. Lets delve into this in a little more detail...in all honesty, I have come to the conclusion that, with the exception of their mothers and daughters, all women hate every other women on the planet...and that goes to the extreme of hating other womens mothers and their daughters too. Don't give off the OMG look as you read on, because inside you know its true. When it comes to sisters, I'd say you prolly hate them abt 3%, but that fluctuates and is seasonal depending on whether she has lost or gained weight.
But in most cases there are abundant number of reasons as to why one woman might hate another. There are two perfect examples that I can think of, off the top of my funky gell laden stylish mohawk spiked head.
(a) The Chick with the Tricks: This is the woman who lays it all bare for the men. This girl is the good-looking, lads lad at the same time, can knock off shots with the best of them, suddenly turns up in a gorgeous sari at a traditional wedding, says hello to the aunties, turns up the next day at a coffee shop sharing her cleavage with a machiato. This is the woman that all women love to hate, who from then on has earned the nickname - SLIT ( a combination of Slut and Clit ).
(b) The Bitch with the Fashion Stitch: This is the woman who has the audacity to try to set a trend by wearing something new. Something which the socialite hasn't seen before. The likes of new territory, Star Trek and the undiscovered universe kind of stuff. Here's the woman who turns up at a social event wearing something diffierent. Automatically, all the woman at the same event start moving to one secret designated corner of the room. Its starts with first 2, then 4, all being pulled into the corner like metal to a magnet. Once in the huddle they all turn and take a quick look at the new entry and turn to each other with a frown...as if to say, "What the fuck is she wearing?". This person from then on has earned the nickname - RASTORNI ( a combination of Raastar Fokirni )
I kid you not. But god forbid if either a SLIT or a RASTORNI approach another woman in the huddle. This ladies and gentleman is were Faking it comes into absolute play. I shall now play out the interaction between a Rastorni/Slit and a woman of the huddle, however, it should be noted that whatever is stated in brackets below, is actually what the woman in the huddle is saying in her head and not out loud:
Slit/Rastorni: Hiiiiyyeeeeeee
Woman of the Huddle: Hey, Ki Khobor (you bitch whore)
Slit/Rastorni: Good good, How are you??
Woman of the Huddle: Not Bad, Eito Cholche (magi tor jene laab ki)
Slit/Rastorni: Hows your boyfriend, Hows his work?
Woman of the Huddle: Yeah both are good, keeps him busy (and don't even think of saying hi to him or I'll slit your eyes wide open)
Slit/Rastorni: Cool, so we should totally hang out for coffee one day.
Well atleast thats my deduction of the whole faking it. We're all fakers, everyone fakes it. You fake handbag it...I mean come on, even I know the LV logo...you can't just go to Bangkok and suddenly sport the latest LV bags (yes plural), when u come back home and pronounce it as LOO-ISH VI-TOM. Faking it is the core of our existence. You shouldn't be worried about what the label on your jeans or t-shirt says...you should just be proud with a normal pair of jeans and a t-shirt that accentuate the curves of your bottom and your breasts. Its as simple as that. And before I end...I would like to give some friendly advice to some of you oversized ladies out there (and I'm not being a pig, I'm saying this for your benefit)...please don't wear French Connection UK tops that say "FCUK ME"...Coz honestly thats not what us guys are gonna be thinking...and for all you women out there who are thinking, OMG this blogger is such a bastard...yes yes I maybe...but inside you know...now your FAKING IT...coz you know I'm saying it how it is!!!! Till next time folks....
Anyhow, so what other fake things are going on in this city, that's curling up my pubes and twisting them into a frenzy?? The competition amongst women. Lets delve into this in a little more detail...in all honesty, I have come to the conclusion that, with the exception of their mothers and daughters, all women hate every other women on the planet...and that goes to the extreme of hating other womens mothers and their daughters too. Don't give off the OMG look as you read on, because inside you know its true. When it comes to sisters, I'd say you prolly hate them abt 3%, but that fluctuates and is seasonal depending on whether she has lost or gained weight.
But in most cases there are abundant number of reasons as to why one woman might hate another. There are two perfect examples that I can think of, off the top of my funky gell laden stylish mohawk spiked head.
(a) The Chick with the Tricks: This is the woman who lays it all bare for the men. This girl is the good-looking, lads lad at the same time, can knock off shots with the best of them, suddenly turns up in a gorgeous sari at a traditional wedding, says hello to the aunties, turns up the next day at a coffee shop sharing her cleavage with a machiato. This is the woman that all women love to hate, who from then on has earned the nickname - SLIT ( a combination of Slut and Clit ).
(b) The Bitch with the Fashion Stitch: This is the woman who has the audacity to try to set a trend by wearing something new. Something which the socialite hasn't seen before. The likes of new territory, Star Trek and the undiscovered universe kind of stuff. Here's the woman who turns up at a social event wearing something diffierent. Automatically, all the woman at the same event start moving to one secret designated corner of the room. Its starts with first 2, then 4, all being pulled into the corner like metal to a magnet. Once in the huddle they all turn and take a quick look at the new entry and turn to each other with a frown...as if to say, "What the fuck is she wearing?". This person from then on has earned the nickname - RASTORNI ( a combination of Raastar Fokirni )
I kid you not. But god forbid if either a SLIT or a RASTORNI approach another woman in the huddle. This ladies and gentleman is were Faking it comes into absolute play. I shall now play out the interaction between a Rastorni/Slit and a woman of the huddle, however, it should be noted that whatever is stated in brackets below, is actually what the woman in the huddle is saying in her head and not out loud:
Slit/Rastorni: Hiiiiyyeeeeeee
Woman of the Huddle: Hey, Ki Khobor (you bitch whore)
Slit/Rastorni: Good good, How are you??
Woman of the Huddle: Not Bad, Eito Cholche (magi tor jene laab ki)
Slit/Rastorni: Hows your boyfriend, Hows his work?
Woman of the Huddle: Yeah both are good, keeps him busy (and don't even think of saying hi to him or I'll slit your eyes wide open)
Slit/Rastorni: Cool, so we should totally hang out for coffee one day.
Woman of the Huddle: Yeah sure (khaya daya amar kaaj nai)
Well atleast thats my deduction of the whole faking it. We're all fakers, everyone fakes it. You fake handbag it...I mean come on, even I know the LV logo...you can't just go to Bangkok and suddenly sport the latest LV bags (yes plural), when u come back home and pronounce it as LOO-ISH VI-TOM. Faking it is the core of our existence. You shouldn't be worried about what the label on your jeans or t-shirt says...you should just be proud with a normal pair of jeans and a t-shirt that accentuate the curves of your bottom and your breasts. Its as simple as that. And before I end...I would like to give some friendly advice to some of you oversized ladies out there (and I'm not being a pig, I'm saying this for your benefit)...please don't wear French Connection UK tops that say "FCUK ME"...Coz honestly thats not what us guys are gonna be thinking...and for all you women out there who are thinking, OMG this blogger is such a bastard...yes yes I maybe...but inside you know...now your FAKING IT...coz you know I'm saying it how it is!!!! Till next time folks....
Dear Mr. Devil - Another well written observational piece here. Kudos to you on your great capability to make acute observations that are beneath the surface. I myself have come to the same conclusions as you. I would go as far as saying that when women say that men are keeping/pushing them down, they are completely wrong. Other women are women's greatest enemies. Not men.
ReplyDeleteAlthough, I may point out to you with no disrespect intended, that other women reading this blog may somehow mistakenly interpret you to be misogynistic in your beliefs. However, I would countermand that by saying that the only reason they may label you as such is because you appear to say things which are true and the truth hurts.
I certainly do not think you are a bastard or a misogynist. In fact I think you are quite the opposite. You seem like a person who loves and admires women so much that you are truly able to dig deep into them and have truly managed to dicipher what really goes on.